Yesterday...
Colton's tiny hand was wrapped around my finger as I tried to teach him - by placing one foot in front of the other, with confidence in each tiny step, he would eventually reach his destination.
Yesterday...
After a long and exhausting effort to bring Caleb into the world, I was blessed to see him for the first time. The delivery was traumatic and he was fussing a little when they placed him in my arms ... but as I spoke my first words to him, he grew silent, overcome by the familiarity of my voice. My first child - such an amazing experience... love at first sight. I stared at the precious divine being, completely in awe and amazement of the beautiful child my body had created with God.
Yesterday...
I lived in Germany and gave birth to the most courageous child I know... Cammie Elaine. Her tenacious little personality and the fire in her spirit was evident from the beginning. She would fall asleep on me, basking in the warmth of my body and the beat of my heart - and as soon as I would move her to the bassinet, she would instantly wake and cry with an unspoken demand to be returned to the comfort of my chest.
Yesterday...
Clayton came barreling into the world in a precipitous labor that lasted less than three hours with the same headstrong determination he devotes to his precious life.
Today... I woke to the beauty of another day, startled to complete awareness of the unforgiving nature of time, and "Yesterday" has long since passed away...
Today....
I woke to Colton's 7th birthday. The tiny little fingers that once clasped my hand in self-doubt... reveal the time gone by their sticky reflection on walls, mirrors, and windows - a perfect illustration of his energetic, animated play - and the discovery of a joyful life.
Today...
I woke to an amazing teenage son, who no longer stops and listens in awe of my voice, but obediently honors me in every way. He's grown into a young man. He's as tall as I am, weighs more than I do, and wears cologne to "impress the ladies". He's about to start shaving, has his first real girlfriend, and will be driving in a year. He has integrity, a kind heart, and compassion for others. My heart swells with joy at the young man he has become.
Today...
I woke to an amazing daughter, once inseparable from the comfort of the gentle beat of my heart, has a heart of her own... A heart full of conviction, determination, strong-will, courage, tenacity, and passion for life has become an inspiration to all who are blessed to know her.
Today...
I woke to a son who once barreled his way into the world... a precious child who loves to be coddled, but wants to grow up... and, despite his small stature, has a spirit that's larger than life.
Where has the time gone, my friends???
"Yesterday" has passed and today I watched the sunrise and realized that "today" will soon be another "yesterday". "Tomorrow" is merely one "yesterday" away, and "tomorrow", everything will change once again. As a young mother, I naively believed that God entrusted me with these four beautiful spirits to teach. What I have come to realize is the that they were sent to teach me. My precious children; Caleb, Cammie, Clayton, and Colton... thank you for your patience with me, for your unique beauty, for choosing to share your lives with me, and for the precious truths that you have (and have yet) to teach. I am blessed to be your mother. Thank you for your inspiration...
Never fear...before you know it you will be like me...your oldest will be nearly 34 years old...lol. It's always a joy to see such love in a family. I know God is proud of you all. :)Suzi
ReplyDeleteI don't know why precisely... but your brave story moves me very deeply, and I can think of no gift to lay at your feet than to offer this, as unworthy as it is:
ReplyDeleteI look at you, your bright blue eyes,
and think of the things you’ve been
your life so hard, ‘spite mother’s love
so plain it can be seen
And it brings me back down mem’ries path
to places I have been.
I have seen so many things, both beautiful and drear
So many things, that I have seen, so common and so rare
Let me tell you now of some of them
and show that for which I care
I have seen birth’s greatest promise
in my son’s first breath
And I have seen life’s hardest hour,
a dearest friend’s dark death
I have felt my heart so greatly swell
When my son come run to me to dwell
In caring arms, his daddy to find comfort
And I have felt the pain of knowing that
Pick him up I cannot
I have lain in room so bare
And seen death’s black plumed wings
Stretch out to cover me in care
So dark, those most beautiful of things
And I heard him whisper in trembling ear
A gift of final comfort’s promise,
to lift and cradle life away
and take away all fear
All agony he offered then, to help for me to ease
but through pain crack’d lips ere all else awoke
I spoke and firmly refused to take that last release.
For life so bright, that painful light
I could not leave so early,
This world I love, I could not leave
To end my birth I could not do
that for it did long years ago
my parents pay so dearly
I have seen loves greatest hope
turned to ashes cold
And seen the spark of love anew
that lies in a child’s pure heart.
I have had both love and hate
Heaped on my shoulders broad
And knowledge gained I have of late
Such that I know not of which is hardest
Friends I have had, and enemies both
And some that are between
But do they know me? I think not
my thought they have not seen
I have seen a man in scrubs of green
Who he a whole night spent in healing
In dawn’s first light, spends time out to be
with a child in a hospital room a-kneeling
To play an innocent game with him
Spend time, his exhaustion to deny
To wash away another’s pain
to comfort him, and doing thus
he gained a sweet reply
I have seen yet another lie out on gurney bold,
smile so cheerful bright, as yet by doctor grim he’s told
that he must fight for life and soon to leave his body old
But smile he did and fear him not to feel that deadly cold
I have seen god’s beauty bright and all his colors bold
so fragile and so wonderful and I have been afraid
of awesome light that bathes this world
and reveals to all my soul outlaid
In night’s dark hour I’ve doubted much
my place in this world so great
And I feared the lack of lover’s touch,
Or maybe I feared I’d gain it
To darken it with my broken self
And accidentally stain it
For frightened then, in thought of love
I feared her laughing ridicule
Or just perhaps I feared her pity
Of my deformed self, my confidence so miniscule
I was given life’s greatest gift
That from another body torn
And pledged to squander not,
an awesome lift from stranger-friend allowing me reborn
I have laughed and loved and cried heartbroken,
such as I do right now
For I look at you and see such beauty
As deep my heart does wound
For my life, twice lived, grows short perhaps
But still I clearly see
The beauty that runs so deep in you
That amazing it is to me
that others see you not as I –
they see a thing unnatural
But some things I know, through heart alone
From nothing that is factual
That you are you, and you alone
Can know the things you know
And who you are and what you feel
Must ne’er you to shame
and who you are and what you feel
you should never need to tame
So live your life, be free, be happy
Be everything that you can be
For that journey great, is wonderful
And terrible I see
But worth it ev’ry step it is
Both pains and pleasures none so fine
As to see you walk the fields, the woods, the streams
And light the halls of time